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Joke of the Day

"We're pretty competitive My brother and I sometimes laugh on how competitive we can be, but I laugh more!"

"Father: What did you learn in school today ? Son: That three and three are seven. Father: Three and three are six ! Son: I guess I didn't learn anything today then !"

"Rape jokes aren't funny. Ask a rape victim if they think rape jokes are funny. They'll say no. Not like that ever did them any good though."

"Enough is Enough! No like seriously they're the same word."

"[wife frantically searching the house] Have you seen the kids, I've looked everywhere [me napping on couch] OMG HOW LONG HAVE WE HAD KIDS"

"Curious that it's always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters."

"As I was looking at some apartments I saw a parking area with the sign,""Tenant Parking."" But what happens if there are more than ten ants?"

"[NASA press conf] ""good news: we found a cat on Mars"" REPORTER: & the bad news? ""[recalls Curiosity rover running it over] uh it's sleeping"""

"Men, if you're wondering what it's like to be a woman, just imagine a world where making sense is optional. Also, boobs whenever you want."

"What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend? ""See ya next month!"""