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Joke of the Day

"Americans are getting stronger. Fifty years ago, it took two people to carry twenty dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it."

"Noticed a spider while I was driving,so I did what any normal person would do and carefully trapped it in a napkin and set my car on fire."

"71% of all statistics are ... ...made up"

"Why is it called almond milk? ""Nut juice"" wasnt very popular."

"What does the Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus searching for Klingon's"

"An often overlooked, important skill in dealing with bullies is learning to kick their asses"

"What'd the farmer say when he lost his tractor? ""Where's my tractor?"""

"The person who is your first and last thought of the day is either the one who has your heart, or who's murder you're secretly plotting."

"Whats the difference between a cockpit and a condom? you can only get one prick into a condom -Fight Club"

"Has anybody ever thought of buying a pig a plane ticket?"