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Joke of the Day

"A Dirty Limerick (NSFW) There once was a girl named Betty, That said that she loved confetti, So I shot my man-goo, Through a fan where it blew, And sprayed her white as a yeti"

"When I was a kid growing up in the Cold War, I had nightmares about the Russians. They wrote long novels. And professors made me read them."

"What's the definition of a Yankee? Same thing as a ""quickie"", only you do it yourself."

"Sorry I have been gone for the last two days, my son had a quick story to tell me"

"My costume budget is pretty slim, so I'm going as 'disinterested millennial' for Halloween this year."

"Hey buddy I was reminded of you this morning. But then I flushed the toilet and went on about my business."

"Just because I am an Italian American doesn't mean my family is in the mob.... It means we used to be."

"In an interview: ""How good are you with Microsoft PowerPoint?"" ""I Excel at it."" ""Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun, sir?"" ""Word."" Edit: thanks u/Steve_Jobs_iGhost"

"What do you call a Muslim woman without a burka? Dead."

"You deplete me"