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Joke of the Day

"Wow, I wish people were into politics as much as they're into sports. *meets someone who's really into politics* Wow, I wish I was dead."

"I recently switched over to cinnamon flavored toothpaste so when I do brush my teeth, I can't tell how much my gums are bleeding."

"How can you recognize a Gnome Pig? They're the ones with the little red hats."

"Has anyone ever told you what it's like to be royally screwed? Let me fill you in."

"What's the worst part about being black and Jewish? Having to sit at the back of the oven with the rest of the dirty niggers."

"Calling Sony comments""racially insensitive remarks"" instead of ""racist""? U can put a cherry on a pile of sh*t but it don't make it a sundae."

"I'm putting ""open bar"" on my invitations, but its gonna be a cash bar. Just because its my 3rd wedding doesn't mean u can skip it, slackers."

"[I am wearing a wedding gown at work] BOSS: Do you have a minute to chat in my office? ME: [lifting veil] I do"

"Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven't left your couch since 2011."

"I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off."