15341

Joke of the Day

"Where do dinosaurs get their pickles from? Vlasic Park"

"Talk Like A Pirate Day Here's my impersonation of a pirate: *ahem* Look at me. Look at me. I'm the captain now."

"[request] Having a hard time remembering a joke. Please help. A guy goes to a doctor. The punch line is said in a really surprised tone ""THE DOCTOR WAS A WOMAN!"" Thank you in advance."

"Of course you can be anything you wanna be. That's how delusions work."

"If we ate cats for lunch we could consolidate something like 85% of all Facebook photos."

"They should make a Conservative Insurance to counter Progressive, they'll never fix anything and tell you to let Jesus take the wheel."

"I bought a new book today called ""How to end your pet's life with dignity"" Even after I'd read it, I just couldn't put it down."

"The two FIFA World Cup 2014 songs are Ole Ola & La La La. Our linguistic evolution as humans never ceases to amaze me."

"Forgot my phone when I went to the bathroom... ...made it impossible to shit post."

"Laziness father to his adopted son: ""what is the limit of laziness?"" son: ""having an adopted son"""