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Joke of the Day

"Mission Impossible Six announced. Will be their hardest mission yet... Getting a job in this economy."

"I found out how to make my penis 2 inches bigger Just spend a year in space"

"I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies."

"In high school I was voted Most Likely to Be Shot Dead While Trying to Steal Something of Moderate Value From a Texan."

"If I saw an elephant in the room, that's ALL I'd be talking about."

"I love to hold my wife's hand when we are out. If I let go, she shops."

"What does the sterile man say when asked if he's gonna get neutered? Vas the deferens?"

"Therapist: what was it like growing up? Me: I just [reaches for tissues] kept getting taller."

"Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn't do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me."

"Morning jog Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick up the block and put it back in my toy chest."