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Joke of the Day

"My mate's gambling is getting out of hand. He's just bet his newborn son in our game of poker. I thought, ""I might have to raise him."""

"How do black people decide what day to wear airbrushed memorial t-shirts of dead relatives?"

"Want to know how to make your PC faster? Paint it black."

"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Smack that bitch and tell her to get back to work."

"I bought shoes off a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day."

"Great job keeping shit out of my eye, eyelash that's currently in my eye."

"To show off my ""Downton Abbey etiquette"" at the gym, I don't throw punches at the punching bag. I just say something witty and cruel to it."

"Spoil any movie by telling ur friend ""Ice Cube dies"" before they watch it. They'll be waiting for Ice Cube to appear and die the whole time"

"HER: I have something I want to tell u ME: me too HER: *smiles coyly* same time? ME: sure HER: 1,2,3 I LOVE YO- ME: ONE TIME I ATE DOG FOOD"

"Why did the bicycle fall down? Because it was too tired"