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Joke of the Day
"What mysterious hair product does Lucifer use to keep himself looking good? Arcane-gel!"
Next Joke
"Dudes that only Retweet chicks: Your mom just called. Down to the basement. Come upstairs. Your dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets are ready."
"Keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on your bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette"
"""Sir can I ask you why you're smoking TWO huge cops?"" Blunt, i'm *turns to camera* Doing this tweet wrong *Blunt just stares in confusion*"
"Girl: ""Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"" Guy: ""Both, now get in the van."""
"How did ISIS do on their French test? They bombed it..."
"Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Regular rocks are too heavy."
"Wild horses could easily drag me away. Probably a good sized dog or motivated cat could do the trick. A big bunch of gerbils, maybe."
"I could never cheat in a relationship... That would require TWO people finding me attractive. I can barely find one."
"Why can't British people go to North Korea? Nobody at the ticket counter knows what ""north career"" means"