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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you mix a prostitute and a midget? A little fuck"

"What is the difference? What its the difference between a quarter and a guy? Neither gets had when you want tail"

"What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!"

"Say what you will about grammar nazis At least they aren't anti-semantic."

"I don't bring pooper scoopers when I walk my dog I would, but my dog doesn't give a shit"

"What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt Sr have in common? Each of their last big hits was the wall."

"Million Dollar Idea: A pot pie. Only bigger. And filled instead with fruit. Apples perhaps."

"I'm trying my best to give up using sexual innuendos.... But it's SO hard."

"[on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]"

"Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy's before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks"