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Joke of the Day

"Father say to son ""If you keep masturbating you'll go blind."" Son replied ""Dad, I'm over here."""

"Why can't Ray Charles see his friends? He's Married"

"Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth."

"""It wasn't always easy growing up. Sometimes we had to wait .04 seconds for 9 million Google results to load."" - 2044 Presidential candidate"

"What's the ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter? Eskimo pi."

"Why is Trump so keen to build a wall to keep out Mexican rapists? He's afraid of the competition."

"This company is like a ship with a hole in the bottom, leaking water. And my job is to get the ship pointed in the right direction."

"Did you hear about the lactose intolerant man who ate a whole wheel of cheese? it was not gouda for him later."

"Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that's ever served me. With just the tip."

"Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old's shirt is on backward* It's cute how you let her dress herself. Me: Yes. She did that."