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Joke of the Day

"Autocorrect changed ""you flatter me"" to ""you flatten me"" and shit just got really weird."

"According to my current parking spot, I'm Chief of Police."

"My sex life is like a Ferrari.. I don't have a Ferrari"

"Why does a space rock taste better than an earth rock? It's a little meteor"

"When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer"

"The life of a Dick. A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually."

"Political joke Donald Trump"

"Damn it's so cold out i saw woman in two pairs of pajamas at walmart"

"What do you call it when somebody kills a perfect circle of religious leaders? A 360 No-Pope"

"Screw you recommended serving size. You don't know me."