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Joke of the Day

"You mean there's another way to eat toast besides hunched over the sink like a fucking criminal??"

"I woke up to find.. the train I was on had turned into a Pencil. I didn't try to use the toilet though because your not meant to go whilst the train's stationary."

"Minimize vs Close in 2014 In 2080: there were some dumb computer users who thought if they click on 'x' in Skype it will close it."

"What do you call someone who smokes two joints? Double jointed."

"I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He insists he can stop at anytime."

"My friend might be hung tomorrow... The suspense is killing him."

"Dark humor is like food Some people just don't get it"

"I have invented a machine *that reads the subtext in different voice*"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer!"

"Are knee pads... ... the perfect gift, for givers?"