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Joke of the Day

"officer, buying weed from a guy who sells on the side is basically shopping local. you should be THANKING me for supporting our community."

"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth... Then it's a soap opera."

"I am all for self-belief, self-worth, self-esteem but a woman declaring herself hot and complementing herself on her own beauty smacks of serious desperation, delusion and self-conceit."

"Musicians are perverts. The drummer sits in the back beating it, the guitarist is constantly fingering minors, the bassist is slapping it around, and they all like the pianist."

"An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went to a bar. They all had to leave because the Englishman wanted to go."

"To avoid another embarrassing moment like when I was stood up on prom night, I always keep at least 1 penguin around."

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall."

"If only people were named after their tattoo's. This guy standing in front of me in Petro Canada Would be named Machine gun-Snake-Jesus."

"Do you piss in the toilet before getting in the shower? I'll bet you wipe yourself with toilet paper too..."

"So Muhammad Ali is dead... Is it too soon for a punchline?"