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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Buddhists vacuum in corners? Because they don't have attachments!"

"Doctor: ""I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop masturbating."" Me: ""Oh no! Why doctor?"" Doctor: ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""

"Kudos to therapists for resisting the natural urge to top other people's problems."

"My Roommate wanted me to play the popular game Fuck, Marry, Kill... But now I am confused. What should I do with my husband's dead body?"

"Why did the police beat the black man after he was executed in the electric chair? He was resisting."

"At least my parents April fools joke wasn't a child. /u/ChodeologyPHD came up with this."

"What do you call two Egyptians who've farted at the same time? Tutankhamun."

"What's Jay-z's favorite store? Bed, bath and Beyond-ce."

"If Santa knows who's being bad, maybe he could have given us a heads-up during the early planning stages of the Holocaust."

"Me: What happened to all the bourbon? Her: Oh, I put it in the chicken. Me: Then pour me a glass of chicken."