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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: ""I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop masturbating."" Me: ""Oh no! Why doctor?"" Doctor: ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""

"My friend asked me if I was ever going to stop singing Wonderwall... I said maybe."

"It's good to meet girl in park. But better to park meat in girl."

"Did you hear about the power surge across the street? I heard it was a shocking experience."

"Did you hear about the guy with five penises? His condom fit like a glove."

"What do you call it when you give a downy kid weed? Baked potato."

"[God Creating] Lucifer: Make them wake up paralyzed sometimes G: That sounds horrible L: People will love it G: Hm, I trusted you on spiders"

"The writers for The Office have drifted out of touch with modern office life. Nobody is employed anymore."

"I don't hold grudges or plot for revenge, I will simply send a bunch of Jehovah's witnesses to your door...on a daily basis."

"Being an HR, whenever I get a new batch of resumes, I always throw half of them in the garbage. I don't want unlucky people working in my department."