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Joke of the Day

"Your momma is so mean... she has no standard deviation."

"What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window? The restraining order"

"I do not, and never will, know my confirmation number."

"These people are putting up 'Lost Parrot' signs for the sake of their kids, but you'd think they'd place them higher for other birds to see."

"My comedian alias would be The Carcinogin My jokes give people cancer"

"My friend left his laptap on the floor in my living room. My other friend thought it was a scale. Conclusion: She weighs $950."

"Stop telling men beards alone will make women love them when everyone knows they need to play the guitar too."

"What did the redneck girl say to her father? Get off of me dad, you're crushing my Pall Malls!"

"Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential."

"Fat chicks are like masturbation. Totally fine to do in the privacy of your own home, but you should be ashamed to be caught in public."