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Joke of the Day

"It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself."

"I am learning from my mistake now. My son taught me maths today"

"What do you call a cow that goes online? An eMoo."

"Me: ""Stay back! I'm an expert when it comes to karate!"" *mugger approaches* Me: ""Karate is a martial art developed on the Ryukyu Islands."""

"Right before Abe Lincoln was shot Mary Todd Lincoln: See honey, I told you it wouldn't kill you to take me out sometime."

"A hug is basically a mini hostage situation."

"When you walk into a store buying sexual necessities... New Ariana Grande CD: 18 Tub of Vaseline: 3 XL Box of Tissues: 2 The look of disgust on the cashier's face as you pay: Priceless"

"Police are on the lookout for a magician dwarf who escaped prison. They're looking for a small medium at large."

"Jared Fogle says, ""Spell 'Tuna Sub' backwards and that's what I'll do in your kid's face"""

"A Jewish boy asks his father for one dollar... ...and his dad responds, ""Fifty cents? What do you need twenty-five cents for?"""