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Joke of the Day

"Q. How do men define a ""50/50"" relationship? A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle."

"Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory? Because she kept throwing out all the W's"

"When starting a new relationship it's important to remember that someone already screwed them up for you."

"UPCOMING JESUS APPERANCES 8/3 Pancake, Norfolk, VA 8/10 Cheeto, Salem, OR 8/19 Window stain, Orem, UT 8/23 Vegemite Jar, Perth, AU"

"Man was rushed to ER after putting 4 plastic horses up his ass... After being treated, doctor described his state as stable"

"Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman A good example: ""I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!"""

"My Doberman sits on other dogs to assert dominance. I'm going to try this with my co-workers."

"15 just texted me that she was on her period and needed a chocolate bar. How absorbent could a chocolate bar even be?!"

"If you made a wall hanging out of cheap necklaces bought from the merch tables at small, underground rock concerts... Would you have a Decoration of Indie Pendants?"

"4-year-old: *puts on ballerina dress* *puts on ballerina shoes* *puts on ballerina tiara* Me: Who are you supposed to be? 4: A ninja."