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Joke of the Day

"15 just texted me that she was on her period and needed a chocolate bar. How absorbent could a chocolate bar even be?!"

"[zoo] ""This is the bear kids"" Wow I want his arms ""What? You cant ha.."" *kid shows tour guide 2nd amendment* ""Bring him the arms smh"""

"Me: How long have we had that pillow? Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days"

"went to europe once for a miles davis concert --sorry, i meant kilometers davis..."

"Why are French snails faster than American snails? L'ess cargo"

"A white guy, a black guy and a priest walk into a bar.. I immediately shoot the fucking nigger in his head, taking another dark coon out of the gene pool."

"Noah... The original Pokemon Master."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! April ! April who ? April might make you feel better !"

"I still don't understand why we are supposed to eat the tampon afterwards"

"Why can't a bicycle stand on it's own? **Because it's two tired.**"