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Joke of the Day

"So a girl asked me if I was a tits or an ass man.. so I said, well my friends always tell me, ""You're an ass, man!"" Ba dum tiss."

"Just once I'd like to meet a person whose job is to make captchas so I can slap him in the face for making my life difficult."

"A man was killed with a starter pistol today Police think it might have been race related."

"I heard the chief of police on the news saying ""we will never forget 9 11"" I should bloody hope so its your phone number"

"How did I get out of Afghanistan? Iran."

"US follows Britain BRITAIN: ""Hey, America, watch this!"" *BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE* USA: ""Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?"""

"In the political correctness of 2017, is it still ok to call my wife the ""ol ball and chain""? Or is that rude to the ball and chain?"

"One night stand I'm not happy about my girlfriends one night stand. I'd really like somewhere to put my phone and spare change when we go to bed."

"Really struggling on what to get my lady for Christmas this year. I mean, I'd hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarrassing"

"Alcohol activates the ""we need to take pictures now!"" center of your brain."