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Joke of the Day

"Really struggling on what to get my lady for Christmas this year. I mean, I'd hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarrassing"

"*mops up wine with cat*"

"My dad said the key to a good marriage is ""never go to bed mad."" Then he said ""In fact, never go to bed at all!"" and handed me a bag of meth"

"A pizza delivery guy knocks on the door Two men answer the door and invite him inside. They ask him if he wants to have a threesome. He replies, ""just the tip please""."

"What do you say to a burn victim if you pour acid on them? Woops, tee hee."

"I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles, my next crap could spell disaster!"

"I just long for a relationship with someone who doesn't make me feel like I'm missing out on something cool on television or the internet."

"What's the stupidest joke you've ever heard?"

"Perks of being ugly"

"I once asked a friend what he would do if the world was going to end. He told me he would fuck anything that moves. He then asked me the same question. I told him I'd stand very very still."