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Joke of the Day

"If your name is Susan, I surmise you're lazy. If your name is Tom, I posit you're a peeper. If your name is Jason, I automatically assume... YOU'RE A CUNT!!! NO! SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU, JASON!!!"

"Recent studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy... Gangrape"

"What do you call a Mexican lady with no legs? Cunt-sway-low"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"[Don't let hot barrista know I'm a goose] ""Can I get you a coffee?"" Just a honk chonklate for me ""A what?"" CHOCOLATE, a hot chocolate plz."

"My Taiwanese friend is very intense and driven: He has a real Taipei personality"

"I think if I was a lifeguard I would just talk shit through my megaphone. ""WHAT WERE YOU THINKING... WHO WEARS CARGO SHORTS TO THE POOL."""

"What's the most casual crime you can commit? Shooting the breeze."

"How did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms"

"Parents: don't give your child the answers to his homework. He needs to learn on his own that you don't know what you're talking about."