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Joke of the Day

"If Trump wins the election ... What will the presidential candidate for the next election choose as his/her campaign motto? ""Make America good again."""

"[Halloween] Me: How adorable! I love your ghost costume! 14: *sigh* I AM NOT A GHOST! I'M SHEET-FACED."

"Useless trying to undo a mistake. Focus your efforts on new ones."

"Guys, I ran the numbers, and each 1000 Twitter followers adds about as much actual value and happiness to your life as a taco."

"An American soldier talks with a Russian soldier A-We get the equivalent of 3000 calories per day. R-Impossible! No man can eat 60 pounds of potatoes in one day!"

"If I were an astronaut, I'd want to be one for the Bahamas because I really don't want to take the risk of actually going into space."

"Just called the bank for my account info and a voice whispered 'If you break the pack in half, Ramen noodles can last you two days.'"

"I once had a bad meal at a German restaurant. It was guten-free."

"I like my women like I like my alcohol... XXX."

"Why would anyone trust Chewbacca to fly the millennium falcon? He's such a wookie pilot. I had three Star Wars jokes prior to this. But none were any good."