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Joke of the Day

"Not to brag but my son's friend said ""Your dad looks hot"" when I was cleaning the pool. She followed with ""Is that heat stroke?"" but still."

"[Google search history] Moles How to kill moles How to make homemade bombs Rescue moles from cave-in Dealing with regret Mole stew"

"Me: Hello darkness my old friend Darkness: please stop calling me that. My name is Susan"

"I like my pizza like i like my square root of 64. Ate."

"Me: My head hasn't been in the right place lately. GF: You might want to check up your ass."

"Q: What mythological monster casts no reflection? A: All of them."

"Why was Windows afraid of 7? Because 7 8 10."

"Did you hear about the man who tried to freeze himself at 0 Kelvin? He's 0K now"

"Two Cows are scared of getting mad cow disease A cow walks up to another cow and asks ""Are you scared of Mad Cow Disease?"" He replies, shocked ""No, I'm a Duck."""

"It took my wife six hours to push out our first child. The fat bastard can live elsewhere now."