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Joke of the Day

"Not to brag but my son's friend said ""Your dad looks hot"" when I was cleaning the pool. She followed with ""Is that heat stroke?"" but still."

"[making flamingos] God: bird. Adam: got it. G: but it stand still a lot. A: ok.. G: on one leg. A: how high are you? G: make it pink."

"I saw Jesus trending and my heart dropped. My first thought was 'damn you 2016!' but then i realized it was just his birthday."

"One Scot came back from work earlier then usual and saw plumber's car in the front of the house. - Oh my God I hope it is her lover."

"Reddit is like a shiny new penny... It's fun to look at but completely worthless"

"What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes? Fine. They will just be burnt on one side."

"My GPS thinks we should see other drivers."

"I like my women like I like my viruses. Safely contained on my laptop."

"did you hear about the circus fire? it was intense"

"Did you hear about the steak that was knighted by the queen? Sir Loin."