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Joke of the Day

"Took my pet lion in an elevator along with shocked shoppers this morning. There was quite an uproar."

"Latvian Christmas Christmas Eve father ask son what want christmas. Son say potato. Father say ""Ok. Santa bring potato."" Next day boy is learn Santa no exist."

"My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... so I got drunk."

"im dating: britney spears rn"

"TEACHER: Its report card day Timmy TIMMY: I'm scared to look. TEACHER: Don't worry. It's all B's lol *opens it & gets engulfed by bees*"

"Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They're always cold. 2) It's somehow your fault."

"What shoes does Brad wear? Loafers!"

"What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet? A pedometer"

"What's the opposite of quantum physics? Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference)."

"How could you tell that the figure skater was a mathematician? Because of the Fibonacci sequins."