129711

Joke of the Day

"What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet? A pedometer"

"I do this really cute thing, where if I walk by a car that has a stick figure family on their back window, I peel a kid off."

"You know, they said it would take a few years for my medical practice to get off the ground... But I just don't have the patients."

"Tapioca pudding. Con: insane amount of carbs and sugars. Pro: tastes like you're going down on an angel."

"What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts"

"Baby, it's cold outside. I checked my weather app."

"I told my girlfriend to give me the worst handjob ever. I was surprised she could pull it off."

"Giving a bear my power of attorney."

"I asked my friend if you could meet anyone living or dead, who would you choose? He said, ""Donald Trump, dead."""

"How do you greet a three-headed monster? Hi, hi, hi."