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Joke of the Day
"Did you blow Bubbles when you were a child? Because I saw Bubbles today and he wanted your number."
Next Joke
"How is ""Shark spotted swimming off the coast"" news worthy? Now if a shark was seen walking off the coast that's different."
"I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes and try to pass them off as my own. I still do, but I used to too."
"old man gets a call from his wife wife: ""stay off the highway. I'm watching the news and there's a maniac driving into oncoming traffic!"" old man: ""it's worse than you think! I see hundreds of them!"""
"Bear boss: I need to see you two in my office right away. *I see my coworker is nervous* Me: Relax, how bad can it be. Salmon: Shut. Up."
"how often do i beat my wife? Every time i clap my hands."
"Sorry, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours."
"[During Interview] ""Do you have any questions?"" - Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?"
"Dad: ""Don't you come back late midnight again... ...Otherwise you'll be coming back next year."""
"Dear people who manually retweet, I hope the next time you're about to get laid someone steps in and does it for you"