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Joke of the Day

"Two muffins are in an oven The first one turns to the other and says: ""It sure is getting hot in here"". To which the second muffin replies: ""Holy Crap! A talking muffin!"""

"A pirate with Alzheimer's sold his parrot The next day he woke up and shouted ""Where's my ship!?"""

"when you write a word and it looks wrong but it's right and you just sit there and contemplate life"

"Fox is good on Final Destination... but Fountain of Dreams is where he shines."

"You ever pump your gas slowly on purpose so no one realizes you only had $3 on you"

"How many moths does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two, but how they get in there.. I don't know. (Stolen from an old Maxim in my dad's storage)"

"Abortion is an out of body experience for fetuses"

"What do Batman's parents shout when dinners ready? NOTHING, BECAUSE THEY'RE DEAD."

"The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar... It was in tense."

"Why does a dentist seem moody? Because he always looks down in the mouth."