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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump is not a rapist. He's an ""alternative romantic."""

"My girlfriend asked, ""Why do we always stay home for dinner and never eat out?"" Obviously if I was any good at eating out, then you wouldn't be complaining about staying home."

"What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, what else would you call him?"

"Expect nothing and you'll be impressed every day."

"Why are black people tall? Because they knee grows.."

"What happened when the cannibal was late to the dinner party? He got the cold shoulder."

"I'm not Fred Flintstone... But I can make your bedrock."

"Do you know a good veterinarian? Got asked this by a friend the other day. Hey, do you know a good veterinarian? <he starts flexing his muscles> 'cause these puppies are SICK."

"I honestly didn't think it would be this difficult to resist sexting Oprah during my morning commute."

"Hey girl, is your dad a plumber? Because I wanna shit in your mouth."