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Joke of the Day

"Hubs and I have fought so much lately I've lost 10 lbs. I thought about leaving him, but I'd like to lose another 10 lbs first."

"The best way to respond when a girl asks you if she's fat is to fake a seizure."

"What did the police say when they finished interviewing Dylann Roof? You're hired"

"What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains? Patty O'Furniture."

"How did Moses feel after falling for a craigslist scam? Egypt."

"Russian nesting dolls are so pretentious. They're so full of themselves."

"*zip-lines through your living room window* *shakes off the broken glass* YO! DO YOU LIKE BRAD PITT BETTER WITH SHORT OR LONG HAIR!?"

"Sitting behind a couple in this theater that's making out. I'm gonna lean forward and whisper ""This is nice"" in a minute."

"What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves!! just kidding....I don't know what he got....he hasn't opened it yet"

"An identity thief... takes things personally"