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Joke of the Day

"What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin."

"I watched ""The Edge of Tomorrow"" hundreds of times there seems to be an awful lot of alternative endings though."

"Once there was a man who followed the Mongol hordes so that he could catch and sell the injured after battles. He was a mangled Mongle monger"

"I made eye contact with a British boy today and quietly asked ""Are you Harry Potter?"" and he and his Mother did NOT think it was funny."

"May I pay you handsomely, good sir? -Why yes you may. *opens wallet* *pulls out Ryan Gosling*"

"My Girlfriend broke up with me because I don't last long in bed... I told her if she ever changes her mind, all she has to do is phone and I'll come straight away."

"Why is Russia the gassiest country? Because their leader is Putin."

"What do you call a can made in Mexico? A Mexican."

"Be the first thought on her mind when she wakes up & the last before she sleeps... unless she's plotting your murder... then don't be that."

"I heard that San Francisco had to change their team name to the 29ers this year... because 20 of them left in the offseason."