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Joke of the Day

"I could not have sex with a man..... because I could never fuck something I respect. (Jim Jefferies)"

"When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread... it's called gluten tag. I'll show myself out."

"Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake."

"Tornadoes and marriage are alike, because they both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house."

"How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything? Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one? Me : Today's."

"Why do melons have to get married in a church? Because they cantaloupe."

"Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid."

"What's an old carpenter's biggest issue? Losing teeth."

"*a spider slowly rolls past my house on a tiny skateboard* ""kids, go to the bomb shelter. it seems my past has finally caught up with me"""

"American police."