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Joke of the Day

"How come ants don't go to the church? They are in sects."

"Just farted loudly outside my office before checking to see if anyone was nearby. Nobody was. It's called the #edge, & I am #livin on it"

"I feel really bad for the Mexican Olympian disqualified from weightlifting for excessive use of protein. They told him, ""No whey, Jose."""

"I explained gluten allergy' to my grandma and she sighed and told me they ate leather belts during WWII to keep from starving"

"Inspecting mirrors is a job I could totally see myself doing."

"This doctor once told me eating a bagel was like eating 5 slices of bread and I was like ok, cool, I like bread"

"How do Orcs eat their food? By goblin it down."

"Do you like apples? How bout I fuck you in the ass, how'd you like them apples!"

"Your lips say no, but your eyes say- oh shit she's calling the cops!"

"Sex can burn 200 calories an hour. I better go on a diet."