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Joke of the Day

"A helium atom walks into a bar The bartender says: sorry, we don't serve noble gases here. The helium atom doesn't react."

"*National Spelling Bee Final - Spell cyclops. - Use in a sentence. - Cyclops have one eye. *winks at audience - C-E-Y-E-C-L-O-P-S."

"What would you name someone who can predict when people sneeze? Nostrildamus"

"Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good, and we will slowly kill you"

"If you tuck your t-shirt into your shorts, don't be surprised if my kid kicks you in the nuts. I'm trying to raise him right."

"It's so insulting when people think they need to explain simple things to me. I mean like, don't consume I'm dumb n shit, you know?"

"He's a few clowns short of a circus. "

"What do you call jokes about bread? buns"

"What do you call a man with three cocks? A farmer"

"That's weird, my waitress stopped flirting after I paid the bill..."