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Joke of the Day

"Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany? Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race..."

"""Ok, so you love kids and a clean house? Really, you don't drink but you like to drive?"" Me, interviewing the perfect sister wife"

"I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato."

"Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT Now it's just going to be called the T."

"2015:hey how's it going so far? 2016:uh good 15: 16: 15:you've got an armed mili- 16:we've got an armed militia in a wildlife building, yeah"

"*Pulls away from Kissing* Me: This isn't weird is it? Cat: Meow"

"[god creating an pigeon] what if i gave this piece of shit wings"

"Inside Out 2: The girl enters puberty. Her emotions get out of control. She goes Goth. Sadness murders the other emotions in their sleep"

"Why was the magnet seeing the Psychiatrist? Because it was bipolar."

"""Age is just a number."" ""Yeah? Jail is just a room."""