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Joke of the Day

"Inside Out 2: The girl enters puberty. Her emotions get out of control. She goes Goth. Sadness murders the other emotions in their sleep"

"I'm setting more realistic New Year's resolutions this year, like never doing anything right and not pleasing my wife."

"I Walked In On My Dad Chopping Onions Up One Day... It made me cry. Onions was my favorite dog."

"Q: What is the first thing off the truck at a trailer fire? A: Lawn chair."

"What do you call a funny mosquito? Malarious -My gf's homemade joke"

"What is 20 inches long and makes women scream at night? A stillborn"

"Say what you will about dung beetles... ...at least they have their shit together."

"What's a Hater, Homophobe, Racist, Bigot, and Sexist? Any conservative winning an argument with a liberal, Democrat or 'progressive'."

"Met a hooker who said she'd do anything for $5 So I banged her."

"I had sex with Adele last night... I was rolling in the deep."