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Joke of the Day

"You should marry the first person who can understand what you're saying while you brush your teeth."

"Started my new job yesterday, and have to go back in today already. THIS IS BULLSHIT."

"[petting friend's new guidedog] so how did you get here? ""he brought me"" wow [later in bed w/ wife] did you know dave's dog can drive a car?"

"Hey man, settle an argument for me? ""Sure"" [handing him a sword] Great, he's just in there"

"What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common ? They both have 'the' as their middle names !"

"My professor's name is Andy Nusbaum. His email is anusbaum@[university].edu"

"What is Santa's favorite band? Slayer."

"What did the boots say to the cowboy? You ride -- I'll go on foot."

"How are wearing Crocs like having butt sex with a guy? It feels really good until you look down and realize you're gay."

"Do her by the ocean. Beaches love crabs."