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Joke of the Day

"[petting friend's new guidedog] so how did you get here? ""he brought me"" wow [later in bed w/ wife] did you know dave's dog can drive a car?"

"Woman at dentist"

"How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don't show it to her."

"I used to be indecisive. But now I'm not so sure."

"Girl, are you my brake pads and rotors? Because I'd like to grind on you until you groan loudly and I have to replace you."

"What did the doctor say to the Fonz when he got sick? You need to take your vitamin Ayy."

"What did one octopus say to the other octopus? Will you hold my hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand?"

"Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is."

"Why is it hard to break up with a Japenese girl? ...you have to drop the bomb twice in order for her to get it."

"Yeah, I'm majoring in math. Then when I graduate I'll get a job down at the math factory. Maybe even work my way up to CEO of math one day."