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Joke of the Day

"What kind of bagel did the camper eat? A winnebago."

"[terrible nursing home] Old guy: How did you end up here? Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster."

"*shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife."

"Pearl Harbour 9/11'd Josh Hartnett's career. Three disasters in seven words that make a fully coherent sentence. Can anyone do better?"

"Why couldn't Joe get to home? He was a Mets fan."

"[first date] Me: *don't let him know you're the Mona Lisa* Him: You look nice tonight Me: *smiles ambiguously*"

"What is the difference between your Mum and a sack of green apples? Your Mums a slut!"

"What do homeless people eat for breakfast? Cardboard-hydrates"

"I used to live right in the core of the Big Apple. Unfortunately I had to move because it was a bit too seedy."

"I paid $10 and got $20 worth of fishing supplies. It was a net gain."