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Joke of the Day

"Wife: I left the kids with you for a half hour & they dumped 3 pounds of sugar in the dryer trying to make cotton candy. Me: Did it work?"

"What do you say to a Jedi who stole your sicilian dessert? ""You owe me one cannoli."""

"What's the difference between Spartacus and Hannibal Lector One of them's a gladiator, and the other is glad he ate her!"

"A survey says parents spend $1k on their children's electronics yearly. When WE were young we walked 5 miles uphill in the snow w/ NO APPS!"

"Why are black cats such good singers? They're very mewsical."

"Let's play hide and sex. I mean seek. Damn it. Seek. Unless you're okay with hide and sex. I'll meet you in the hall closet in one minute."

"Knock knock ""Who's there"" ""I'm the mailman"""

"Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes."

"(Outside at dusk) Wife: Lovely evening. Me (Covered in mosquitos): Glorious."

"Two lawyers are in a bar, and see a hot blonde sitting alone One of the lawyers looks at her and says ""Boy, I'd love to fuck her."" The second lawyer looked over and responded, ""out of what?"""