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Joke of the Day

"I once heard a story of a man who played Destiny, trying to get the greatest boots of all time, named The Dubstep Grieves. He died waiting for the drop."

Next Joke
 
"Bath time without my phone: 10 minutes Bath time with my phone: 45 minutes 75 retweets 1 wrinkly baby"
"It'd be pretty rad if the Pope's Twitter account was just Billy Joel's second Twitter account where he only tweets while on Ambien."
"According to this box of cereal I am a family of 13 eating breakfast"
"A german tourist. A german tourist arrives at Warsaw airport. The immigration office asks: 'Occupation?''. The german responds: 'No, just holiday''"
"I have sex almost every night! Almost Monday night, almost Tuesday night..."
"My friend can't wait for legalized euthanasia Seriously, the man is dying to not live"
"What do you call someone who's pretending to be from Sicily? Amoxicillin"
"I was on my knees all night, screwing this nut from behind... ...when I woke up this morning, my hands were really sore."
"Yo mumma so fat.. Yo mumma so fat that she needs two wristwatches, one on each hand because she's in two timezones. NOTE: I'm Australian so I spell the word mum with an 'u'"