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Joke of the Day

"There's no ""u"" in awesome... But there's always ""me""."

"When it comes to gun control, the first thing that should be banned are tee shirt cannons."

"Why did 6 break up with 7? Because 7 ate 9 out"

"I always feel bad for seedless watermelons, because what if they wanted babies?"

"I had a blind date last night At least I think it was a date. The blindfold and duct tape was a bit different."

"My spouse just said I'm such a cheap date that he knew he'd actually save money by marrying me. I'm apparently the Geico of women."

"[my cell phone rings] ME (a person who pays a monthly fee to allow this): Ugh why is this happening"

"""Hi mom, don't worry but I'm in the hospital."" ""Heinz, stop calling me like that. You are now a doctor since 8 years."""

"What do you tell a woman with black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice."

"Bob drowned... , so at his funeral we put a life jacket over his grave. It is what he would have wanted."