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Joke of the Day

"Pimp my ride I've just ordered the personal number plate BAA BAA. Should look cool on my black jeep."

"I'm sorry I put a collar on your baby. I thought it was a Pug."

"did you hear that a former US president bought out a convenience store chain? Bush did 7/11"

"I don't steal my tweets from song lyrics! Seriously. Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here."

"My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush."

"911: What's your emergency? [sounds of struggling and growling] 911: Hello?! Me: I OFFERED THIS RACCOON MY SANDWICH BUT I CHANGED MY MIND"

"What do you call the medic in a K9 unit? A dogtor."

"If everyday is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays."

"How to get laid: Step 1: Be an egg Step 2: That's literally it"

"Who is a battery manufacturer's favorite baseball player of all time? Al Kaline."