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Joke of the Day

"[at SunMaid farms with a guy] Guy: so is this a date? Girl:... No? These are raisins"

"if you meet a woman under the age of 75 named ""Maude"" or ""Agatha"" it's a good bet to check nearby for a time machine"

"There once was a man from Nantucket... Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin: ""If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it."""

"I remember my first sexual encounter. It was really a frightening experience. I was all by myself!"

"There was a pretty girl in the produce section so to impress her I bought a mango"

"Malcom Gladwell is going to write a book about politicians as a follow-up to ""Outliers"" It's going to be called ""Out-and-out Liars"""

"Why couldn't the watermelon get married in Vegas? Because his fiancee is a cantaloupe!"

"And the Lord said to John "" Come forth and you shall receive eternal life"" But John came fifth and won a toaster Credits: An ask Reddit post"

"I love breasts! It's the best part of the birds."

"Asked a girl what I had to do to get her, she said, ""GET LOST!"" So I stared... Realising she wasn't saying more, I asked, ""which season?"""