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Joke of the Day
"*sees lawn gnome cartwheel into room* *calls to renew prescription*"
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"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already"
"Yo momma so old.... She has a separate entrance for black men."
"6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down."
"""Lady In Red"" is my favorite song about a guy that's trying to get laid even though he can't remember her goddamn name."
"How do you tell the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste."
"What happens when the lights go out in a Chinese restaurant? It'll Dimsum."
"An ancient Greek walks into a tailors with a torn pair of pants: ""Euripides?"" Asks the tailor. ""Yeah, Eumenides?"" Replies the man."
"Gym memberships are expensive, just tattoo biceps all over your body and eat all the cake you can find."
"Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car who's driving? A: The police."