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Joke of the Day

"I was worried because I heard a beep and didn't know if it was my cell, iPod, Wii, Skype, Facebook, email, Twitter or TV. Thank God it was just the fire alarm."

"A police officer with integrity"

"How do you organise a space party? You planet!"

"Did you hear about the guy who lived in a tyre? He got a puncture and now he lives in a Flat "

"Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there's no more soda?"

"I've got a great sense of humor *closes eyes and tilts head slightly upward* yes. there is humor nearby. 40, no, 50 yards from here"

"Trainer: ""ok, lets warm up 1st....wait, where are you going!?"" Me: ""tanning bed"""

"What's the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow? You can't keep milking the dead cow for 13 years"

"Shark Week is just another made up holiday to sell more sharks"

"What do you call a laughing mayonnaise? lmayo ahh"