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Joke of the Day

"Where are you when you're in the U.K. waiting for Vietnamese soup? Pho queue"

"Her: Hey, what does this dress say to you? *Whirls Around* Me: I'm not in the mood to listen to your clothes right now, I'm drinking!!"

"I prevented a rape today I gave my consent."

"When you're in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think ""THEY'RE KILLING MY FAMILY, AND I'LL HAVE TO FIGHT THE ATTACKER NAKED"""

"I was wondering why a fire truck was in front of a theater close to me last night... I suppose it was Catching Fire"

"What do you get when you cross Christmas and a Duck? A Christmas-Quacker!"

"What kind of insect gets triggered on tumblr? A butthurtfly"

"woman driver I was on my way to work today, when I saw a woman driving with her hazard lights on. I thought to myself, ""At least she's honest."""

"Ellen Pao has a good taste for revenge. Lawyers made her look bad, now she makes lawyers look bad. I'll be enjoying my shadow ban, thank you."

"I hope there will be a riot where I live... I really want to have an Xbox one and a new TV."