132330

Joke of the Day

"I was wondering why a fire truck was in front of a theater close to me last night... I suppose it was Catching Fire"

"You know homeless people are the real progressives of this country. Always asking for change."

"You haven't truly won an argument until the other person says ""whatever."""

"Giving somebody a greeting card is the most festive way to deposit $5 into their trashcan."

"I appreciate the lemons, but wasn't one of you supposed to teach me how to fish by now?"

"I'm going to be filing a complaint with the shampoo company... My girlfriend recently dumped me and this ""No Tears"" stuff isn't working at all."

"How do you cure a basic bitch? Give her some acid."

"What do you call a doctor who is trained in neurosurgery and is covering for a gynecologist? A pervert."

"I was having an argument with my deaf wife. All women are the same, they don't listen."

"Me: Where the hell are you going with those balloons? 4yr: I need to wee! Me: With balloons?! 4yr: Its so much fun to wee with balloons"