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Joke of the Day

"Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday."

"I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??"

"[Storm into Octopus Boss' office] I want a raise or I quit! [Octopus Boss is almost done camouflaging against the fern] NOT THIS TIME"

"What do you call two fake number fours next to each other? Fauxty faux"

"Slept with my internet date... Got a virus"

"Damn, girl, are you Terms and Conditions? Because I just want to blindly agree to whatever you say."

"What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle? Octopus Prime."

"Q: Which game did the cat want to play with the mouse? - A: Catch."

"A neutron walks into a bar... and inquires how much a drink costs. The bartender replies, ""For you? No charge."""

"I'm sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn't really prepared for any follow-up conversation."