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Joke of the Day

"So this guy steps into the house with a hand full of shit and says to his wife ""look what I almost stepped in!"""

"I just spent fifteen minutes wondering how mermaids poop in case anyone out there is looking for a best friend or arch nemesis or something."

"Me: Wow this recumbent bike is pretty comfortable. Trainer: Ok now start pedaling. Me: What?"

"What do you call the Israeli PM when he switches search engines? Benjamin Netangoogle"

"I don't think this bowl of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on my desk is making me as indispensable to the workplace as I had hoped."

"""Blow me."" -Soup."

"The fattest man in Britain has sadly died. Cremation will be held at 12PM on Wednesday..... and Thursday..... and Friday."

"crush: i really like music me: *gets jealous of music and rips off crushes ears*"

"(NSFW) What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you."

"When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it's best to remember they're pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go"